Monday, September 19, 2005


As initially reported by The Huffington Post, Karl Rove made some controversial/insulting remarks about a variety of hot-button issues at a a businessman's private gathering in Aspen. Needless to say, these comments have been used around the liberal blogosphere to demonstrate that Karl Rove is, to paraphrase Steve Gilliard, "the mouth of Sauron."

But I take a different perspective: I think Karl Rove is right. Let's go down the list and analyze the statements as reported, one by one.

1) IRAQ WILL TRANSFORM THE MIDDLE EAST. It's really hard to argue with this one, isn't it? I mean, we're seeing Iraq transform the Middle East in front of our very eyes! After all, the standard model for Middle East Islamic countries is a strong, usually totalitarian government that controls all aspects of life and crushes insurrection and political dissent quickly. Iraq used to fit that model to the tee, and now look--a total 180-degree reversal! Now the government has absolutely no control whatsoever over its citizenry. Furthermore, most Middle East countries are aristocratic kleptocracies in which the ruling elite takes most of the wealth from the country's GDP--but in Iraq, look at how we've reversed that trend: now, we have $1.8billion siphoned offshore from Iraq's military and utilities! See? the polar opposite. And what a transformation.

And dear me--when I think about the ramifications of Iraq's sectarian violence, the potential for change just floors me! I see the Shi'a south forming an alliance with Iran to create the new powerhouse in the Middle East; the Kurds pushing for greater autonomy leading to independence, inspiring their fellow Kurds in Turkey to push for the same, potentially leading to increased militarization in one of our best allies in the Muslim world; continued terrorism by the Sunnis against the Shia- and Kurd-held oil and gas pipelines, further exacerbating the high cost of energy...I could go on and on. Safe to say that Karl has nailed this one right on the head.

2) WE HAVE NOT BEEN GOOD IN EXPLAINING THE SUCCESS IN IRAQ. Right again, Karl! As a matter of fact, your successes in Iraq have pretty much been kept under wraps. And when I say your successes, Herr Rove, that's exactly what I mean--because your successes and the nation's successes do not exactly coincide. One can take this example from shortly after the reconstruction period began. Or this. Or any wide number of similar reports that could be dredged up in a moment's notice. You see, Karl, the successes of the private sector firms and industries to which your fellow administration officials will be returning (provided that you avoid prison time) has not been adequately explained, and intentionally so--because if it were fully disclosed, the private sector company you would be returning to could well be Wackenhut. You go, Karl.

3) (katrina) THE ONLY MISTAKE WE MADE WAS NOT OVERRIDING THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT. Well, from a certain point of view, one can see the truth in this--in the same way that the police make mistakes by not overriding women soon enough when it comes to controlling rapists. Excellent point, Karl, though I would have thought that this would have been self-obvious.

4) CINDY SHEEHAN IS A CLOWN, ETC. This is a little bit of a stretch, but if you take the analogy that clowns can sometimes be street performers, and street performers need a permit to perform in public, then the fact that Cindy Sheehan and her rally organizer were arrested for "performing" without a permit makes her relevantly similar to a clown in some respects. And if we take the analogy further and start using this in conjuction with the term "media circus"...well, at that point, all bets are off. But I can see where Karl is coming from on this one. And as for the statement that that nobody worth anything would show up at an anti-war rally? Well, you might suppose that this notion would be discounted by the majority of the public now opposes the war, but Karl is actually one step ahead of you. You see, he knows that the opinion of the voting public is completely insignificant now--Diebold took care of that little problem.

5) JUDY MILLER IS IN JAIL FOR REASONS I DON'T UNDERSTAND. True again, though I think in this particular case it has more to do with ignorance of experience than anything else. You see, Karl Rove isn't used to seeing his political allies be punished for committing crimes. So, as you can see, it's not exactly the case that Karl isn't aware that Judy Miller committed a crime--it's merely that he doens't understand why that's a problem.

6) JOE WILSON ATTENDS THE WACKY MASS. Now, I'm not exactly sure about Joe Wilson's religious preferences, but one can well imagine that after 15 years as a diplomat in Baghdad, Gabon and the rest of Africa (note the infamy of the citation here!), Joe Wilson has seen his share of interesting religious services, and has no doubt attended quite a few wacky masses in his time. When compared to this, Karl's regularly scheduled religous services must seem quite mundane.

So there you have it! Karl Rove is right about everything once again!


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