Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A pathetic attempt at humor from Nick Danger

Really, this is truly pathetic. Let's take this one piece by piece.

Good morning, fellow xenophobic, homophobic, racist, sexist brigands! It's time to hit those boards!

This would be funnier if it weren't so close to the truth--at least for the Gedd Tancredo and James Dobson conservatives.

RedStaters, we have a whole day of budget cutting, orphan starving, and war mongering to attend to. So let's get to it!

Unfortunately, this actually is the truth.

Yes, it's another great day to be a Republican! We hold the White House, both houses of Congress, we're about to take over the Supreme Court, and all of this without caring about people or having a brain in our heads! Never have such miserable, stupid cretins held such power! Revel in it, my friends!

No no, we never said that the cretins have the power. We just said that the cretins hold elected office. Of course the people who actually have the power are smart.

we've unmasked Harry Reid as a crook

Hmm. Did I mention that Harry Reid co-sponsored the legislation Abramoff was lobbying against, that Abramoff never even attempted to get Reid (unlike Conrad Burns, whom he purchased) to change his vote on the BILL HE CO-SPONSORED, and that our activists got the AP to change their inaccurate fishing expedition for bipartisanship to this scandal? Keep trying, guys.

we've got Hillary Clinton dancing to our tune

Good point. I don't like her either.

and still the Democrats won't get angry with us. They won't call us names, they won't throw spears at us... it's as if no matter what we do to them, the Democrats just roll over and take it. They're almost no fun anymore.

Really. I thought that the main problem Howard Dean and the Democrats have is that we're too angry. Last time I checked, you guys thought the same thing about Hillary. So which is it? I'm confused.

And now the same thing is happening with blogs. Here we are at RedState, passing up some of the oldest liberal blogs on the Internet in terms of size and influence, and what do these liberals do about it? Nothing! What can they do about it? Nothing! It has to frustrate them to no end. Here we go zooming past them — beep beep — and they're sitting there like Wile E. Coyote with steam coming out their ears.

Wow! You guys finally found a voice on the internet to match one of our top ten! It took you guys long enough. But I'm wondering how it happened. Mark Warner was talking last night about his expansion of broadband access in rural Virginia--maybe that's what drove up your traffic.

Still, it would be nice to get some recognition from them, some token of their frustration at the way we keep trouncing them.

Not so much any more. Try this out for size. A new order is coming, and it's coming because people are sick of exactly this--and you espouse it perfectly. You know, Nick, there's a fundamental rule of wisdom to live by. You know what it is? "when you're on top, treat those beneath you with respect, because you won't be on top forever, and you'll enjoy the precedent you've set when you're not." So when we win in 2006, Nick, and then reclaim the Presidency in 2008, it would only be fair to do our absolute best to crush your party into the ground, given your arrogant taunting.

But we won't do that, Nick. Because in your pathetic excuse for a blog piece, you did indeed get one thing right:

They're smarter, they're nicer to their inferiors (just ask them)

In not too long, Nick, you'll be thanking your lucky stars for that. Actually, though, in fairness--you got something else right too:

they have better hair

Because it doesn't matter how much Wolfowitz sucks on his comb--it still won't help him.

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